In My Head

Call of Duty - Black Ops

 

 

My husband is addicted to Call of Duty Black Ops. No, really, ADDICTED. Do you think if I name my vagina Black Ops, he'd play with it more?

FAKERS!

I'll never understand why a woman fakes an orgasm....

 

if he's not getting you off, and then you fake it, he's going to think what he's doing is working and keep doing it!! Everyone loses then!

Isn't it better to be honest and let him know what works and what doesn't work?

I'm no faker, are you?

You Know You're a Twat....

OK, so today I will rant...you will either share my opinion or you won't. If you share my opinion, enjoy my rant, if you don't, I'm sorry, go read someone else's blog then. :)

(My apologies to Jeff Foxworthy)

You Know You're A Twat....

• if you change lanes or turn corners in your car, and you don't use your turn signals! Your car was built with them for a reason, people, USE THEM!
• if you eat produce in the grocery store while shopping, never to pay for it at the check-out. And when my kids ask why they can't have a couple of grapes while we shop, I tell them because it's STEALING!
• if you leave your cell phone turned on in the movie theatres! Have some freaking courtesy would you?!?! I didn't pay $14 to go to a movie and end up listening to your fucking phone ringing or worse, your fucking phone conversation!!!
• if you talk through the whole movie in the theatres! Shut the hell up! If you want to talk through movies, RENT THEM , and watch them at HOME ffs!
• if you toss your food garbage out of the car window while driving! Seriously? My taxes are paying for the crew who has to clean that up!!!
• if you think that degree you earned in University makes you better than anyone without one. I know plenty of wonderful people who are kind, honest, trustworthy, funny, smart, and talented, who didn't even graduate high school...I'd rather hang out with 1 of them, than 10 of YOU.
• if you cheat on your significant other
• if you "help" a friend cheat on their significant other by giving then an alibi, or by lying about what you know
• if you cheat on tests or exams...or golf
• if you hit your children..enough said
• if you bring your cell phone to the dinner table, because you just might miss some "important" text or tweet instead of enjoying the company right there in front of you
• if you spit on the sidewalk
• if you cut me off on the road and then look at ME like I was in the wrong!
• if you go bicycle riding with your kids, but you don't wear your own helmet! Set an example for those kids! WEAR YOUR HELMET!
• if your pay cheque goes to beer and smokes, while your kids haven't had a decent piece of fruit in months
• if you drown yourself in perfume or cologne. Everything in moderation people, no need to swim in the stuff!
• if you sit on the bus and let the senior citizen, or the pregnant woman stand for the entire trip without offering your seat
• if you blame others for your own mistakes
• if you consistently "forget" your wallet and/or cigarettes at home when you go out with friends
• if you "brag" about your sexcapades to anyone who will listen
• if you let your dog bark all night long in your backyard
• if you never "stoop and scoop" while walking your dog in public places. If you want to leave your own yard covered in shit, have at 'er, but seriously, people pick up your dog's shit on other people's yards, in the park, and on the sidewalk, ffs!
• if you are at the front of the long line at Tim Hortons and you "kindly" offer to let your friend(s) jump in line with you. No! Don't do it! The rest of us have been waiting for our turn! Tell your friend(s) to get to the back of the line! In fact, YOU get to the back of the line and wait with them!
• if you steal, especially from family and/or friends, whether it's money, items, or ideas
• if you take the credit for something someone else has done
• if you park in the handicapped parking spots without a handicapped parking permit
• if you park right in front of the store, blocking the laneway, instead of parking in the empty parking spot, not 20 feet away
• if, when you use a public washroom, you rip the toilet paper and/or paper towel and a little piece/corner drops on the floor, you leave it there. Really? Would you do that at home? Pick it the hell up and toss it in the garbage, you're going to wash your hands anyway!
• if you don't wash your hands after using the toilet
• if you pick your nose and wipe the boogers on the wall in the public bathroom stall. What's wrong with you?!?!? There's toilet paper RIGHT THERE!! Use it as a kleenex ffs!
• if you still have the same mullet you did back in 1982. Honestly? Get with the times! It's halfway through 2010 ffs! Get a haircut!
• if you are not a rap star, and yet you still call women "shorties"
• if you are older than 17 and you wear "your pants on the ground"
• if you use your pet as an accessory a la Paris Hilton.
• if you dress your pet up in clothes. It's a DOG, not a dolly! Poor things always look so ashamed of themselves when you see them in their pink tutus!
• if you dye your dog's fur! What the HELL for?!?!?! If your dog was supposed to have pink fur, it would have been born with it!
• if you have 11 items or more in the 10-items-or-less line at the grocery store. Can you not read the sign? Oh, and if you are the cashier that ALLOWS said person to still cash out at your till, then YOU too are a twat! Speak up! No need to be rude, but you can certainly tell the customer politely that you are working the express lane for 10 items or less and since you have more than 10, the cashier in lane # whatever would be happy to look after them.
• if you press one nostril and blow the snot out of the other one onto the sidewalk or road. GROSS!!! Use a freaking tissue!
• if you treat people poorly because they are not wearing the "right brand" of clothing. Who died and made you the arbiter of good taste?!?!
• if you chew your food with your lips open, smacking your lips and making noises. Have some manners! No one wants to see partially chewed food in your mouth, and no one wants to HEAR you eating!
• if you let your kids run around inside a restaurant. It may be easier on YOU, but it's hell for the rest of the patrons! Stop being a lazy parent and use this as an opportunity to teach your kids how to behave in certain situations!
• if you are too cheap to pay for a sitter and drag your young child out to a restaurant or bar at 10pm! If you can't afford the sitter, STAY HOME and get take out! That child should be in BED ffs!!!

And finally (for now, as I KNOW there are TONS more signs that you know you're a twat if)...

You know you're a twat when you spend your time writing a blog about twats :)

Feel free to add your own examples of twats in my comments section :)

Here's to a twat-free weekend!

You

Everything.

Every smile

Every tear

Every drop of sweat

Every muscle that aches

Every dollar earned

Every meal made

Every hug

Every thought

Every waking moment

Every dreamy night

Every single breath.

You

Beside me for all this and more

You

Are all that I am

And all that I need

You

Are EVERYTHING

 

xoxo

Envy

I am envious of people who have found their passion(s). But I am so happy for them too. When I see them basking in the joy that their passion(s) brings to them, I share that joy. To all of my friends who share their passions with me, thanks. :) I only wish you more. <3 xoxo

I Love This Place

 

Today was a great day!

I'm sitting here, feeling GRAND.

Today was a regular day.

With my regular Thursday routine; work, lunch with hubby, work, dinner with family, evening errands with the kids.

A regular day.

BUT... The sun was shining, everything went smoothly all day, and nothing bad happened.

I am IN The ZONE.

I love this place.

:)

xoxo

J

This happened on Earth Day? REALLY?!?

OK, so today was Earth Day. Which makes this story even more ludicrous.

Tonight, I was shopping at the mall with my daughter. I wanted a pair of jeans and I was 2nd in line at the cash in a major department store. I'm listening to the transaction going on in front of me, I am, kind of, but not completely, but I did hear the cashier ask the woman if she would like a bag. And that it was 5 cents for the bag.

Now, I was in this same store two weeks ago, buying something else and I was given a bag and was not charged 5 cents. So I hear her mention the price of the bag, and I think, oh, must be a new store policy. No big deal, grocery stores do it, right? But then! THEN, I hear the cashier ask the woman if she'd like to keep the hangers on the bras she was purchasing, and the woman says yes. And then I watch the cashier, put the two bras on PLASTIC hangers at NO CHARGE into the plastic bag that she had to pay five cents for!

OK, here's the thing;

1. plastic hangers cannot go in the blue box, therefore, are currently not recyclable...NO CHARGE

2. plastic bag, that you can drop into a huge blue box at any grocery store to be recycled... FIVE CENTS PER BAG CHARGE

Does that smell funny to you?

How about this thought? When I go buy a case of 24 beers in glass bottles, I pay close to $40.00. Part of that price includes a 10 cent deposit on each bottle. When those same beers are finished, I can take the bottles back to the beer store and get my $2.40 deposit money back.

So, if I have to pay 5 cents a bag, and I can return these same bags to the grocery store for recycling, why don't I get my 5 cents back?

Something to think about, anyway.

Now go enjoy your weekend, have some fun, maybe even empty a few of those beer bottles with some friends, whatever your plans, ENJOY!

And I'll be back here soon.

xoxo

Girls’ Weekend

This coming weekend I am away with my two daughters. Mary is 14 and Helen is 10. We are off to another one of their cheerleading competitions.

 

I love watching my girls compete in their cheerleading. They are on “All-Star” Teams, Helen on Youth, and Mary on Senior. Both of my girls are “flyers” which means they are the ones being thrown in the air, and lifted way up high.

 

They are far braver than me. I’m terrified of heights. Watching them perform their routine with their respective teams makes me so proud. To the point of tears. I love watching their tumbling, their dance, their jumps, and their stunts.

I also love what we do together AFTER they compete…the dinner out, the girl talk, the mother-daughter bonding. I think these weekends away have helped my girls develop their own close sister-bond too. This, I’m especially thrilled about. Because one day, they will be grown-ups, and I SO want them to have an amazing sisterhood with each other, the way I do with my own sister.

So, while I am away, enjoying my girls, I hope YOU are enjoying your families.

Cheers!

I’ll be back here soon.

xoxo

 

I am a nag.

I'm a nag.

I nag because I love you.

My nags have a purpose, even if you can't see them.

I tell you to clean your room, so you learn to look after your things.

I remind you to use your manners, so you learn to get along with others.

I admonish you for forgetting to tell me where you are, so you learn to be responsible, and to keep me from worrying.

I nag you to wear clean clothes, so you learn to represent yourself to the world in the best way possible.

Often, my nags come from my own experiences, my own lessons learned, and I am trying to protect you from mistakes I've already made, and mistakes I've seen others make...wear your helmet, don't drink and drive, tie your shoes, save your money...

You roll your eyes, you huff and puff, and you look at me like I'm imposing on your life. That's ok. Regardless, I know you're learning. You're growing, and becoming responsible, mature, productive citizens. This is my goal. I'm seeing it unfold before my eyes, every day. I see you choose to walk home from the party, I see you put that extra change in your piggy bank, I love that text message that tells me you're going to be 15 minutes late.

So thank you. Thank you for putting up with my nagging. Thank you for learning from them, despite the eye rolling. Thank you for making me proud.

Feed your Wolf

  

 Recently, I received an e-mail, with a story about two wolves. I loved the message of the story, and decided I should share it here. I imagine this story has been shared on many a blog out there in the vast entity known as "the blogospere". Feel free to share it with those you love. And remember to Feed Your Wolf...

TWO WOLVES 

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.

He said, "My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all. 

"One is Evil -  It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

"The other is Good -  It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."