In My Head

Dear teenagers

Dear teenagers;

Stop expecting everything for nothing.

Do you want good grades? Do your homework, study hard, put in the extra effort, and chances are, your grades will improve.

Do you want nice things? Earn them! Don't tell your parents what you want...get a job, save your money, buy them yourselves.

Do you want your parents to loan you the car, pay for the insurance, cover your fees for sports, or music lessons, or whatever your "thing" is? Try giving a little to get a little: do your chores, then do more...cut the grass, wash the floors, cook dinner, take the recycling out, walk the dog, wash the car(s)....

Our jobs as parents are to feed you, clothe you, house you, and do our best to teach you how to be a responsible, productive member of society. None of us are obligated to do much more than that, so maybe you teenagers should realize that all those extras you get from your parents (the cell phones, the brand names clothes, the lap tops, the sports, the music lessons, the car insurance, the school field trips...) are things they worked hard to earn the money for, and the least you could do to thank them is to work hard yourself. Work hard at school. Get a job to earn your own money. Help out around the house every day.

Currently, this is me

As I get older, I find myself caring less & less about being the person I think I'm supposed to be, and allowing myself to be me.
Currently, this is me:

I love my husband. I am still in awe, after 22 yrs together, that he chose me. He still makes my heart flutter and my panties wet.

I am most proud of our 4 kids. They are wonderful, smart, funny, kind, caring, giving, driven teens & young adults. I'd give them the world if I could.

I am also vulgar. The crasser the better. (Is crasser even a word?)

I cannot remember the last time I went a full 24 hours without a conversation about poo.

I yell at other drivers when my windows are closed, but never when they're open. Especially those who don't use their turn signals.

I talk very openly about sex. Not my sex life, just sex.

I fart. A lot. Sometimes they smell bad. I stopped holding them in and pretending I don't fart. I laugh at my own farts. My favourite are the loud, dry farts.

I have a thing for leather jackets, and shoes.

I eat some chocolate every day. Really. Every day.

I drink 3-4 large cups of coffee every day.

I am the laziest person I know.

I enjoy playing golf.

I like playing euchre.

I drop the f-bomb. A lot.

The c-word does not offend me any more than any other derogatory word. It's just a word.

I miss being a stay-at-home mom/wife. (Come onnnn 649!!!)

Call of Duty - Black Ops

 

 

My husband is addicted to Call of Duty Black Ops. No, really, ADDICTED. Do you think if I name my vagina Black Ops, he'd play with it more?

FAKERS!

I'll never understand why a woman fakes an orgasm....

 

if he's not getting you off, and then you fake it, he's going to think what he's doing is working and keep doing it!! Everyone loses then!

Isn't it better to be honest and let him know what works and what doesn't work?

I'm no faker, are you?

You Know You're a Twat....

OK, so today I will rant...you will either share my opinion or you won't. If you share my opinion, enjoy my rant, if you don't, I'm sorry, go read someone else's blog then. :)

(My apologies to Jeff Foxworthy)

You Know You're A Twat....

• if you change lanes or turn corners in your car, and you don't use your turn signals! Your car was built with them for a reason, people, USE THEM!
• if you eat produce in the grocery store while shopping, never to pay for it at the check-out. And when my kids ask why they can't have a couple of grapes while we shop, I tell them because it's STEALING!
• if you leave your cell phone turned on in the movie theatres! Have some freaking courtesy would you?!?! I didn't pay $14 to go to a movie and end up listening to your fucking phone ringing or worse, your fucking phone conversation!!!
• if you talk through the whole movie in the theatres! Shut the hell up! If you want to talk through movies, RENT THEM , and watch them at HOME ffs!
• if you toss your food garbage out of the car window while driving! Seriously? My taxes are paying for the crew who has to clean that up!!!
• if you think that degree you earned in University makes you better than anyone without one. I know plenty of wonderful people who are kind, honest, trustworthy, funny, smart, and talented, who didn't even graduate high school...I'd rather hang out with 1 of them, than 10 of YOU.
• if you cheat on your significant other
• if you "help" a friend cheat on their significant other by giving then an alibi, or by lying about what you know
• if you cheat on tests or exams...or golf
• if you hit your children..enough said
• if you bring your cell phone to the dinner table, because you just might miss some "important" text or tweet instead of enjoying the company right there in front of you
• if you spit on the sidewalk
• if you cut me off on the road and then look at ME like I was in the wrong!
• if you go bicycle riding with your kids, but you don't wear your own helmet! Set an example for those kids! WEAR YOUR HELMET!
• if your pay cheque goes to beer and smokes, while your kids haven't had a decent piece of fruit in months
• if you drown yourself in perfume or cologne. Everything in moderation people, no need to swim in the stuff!
• if you sit on the bus and let the senior citizen, or the pregnant woman stand for the entire trip without offering your seat
• if you blame others for your own mistakes
• if you consistently "forget" your wallet and/or cigarettes at home when you go out with friends
• if you "brag" about your sexcapades to anyone who will listen
• if you let your dog bark all night long in your backyard
• if you never "stoop and scoop" while walking your dog in public places. If you want to leave your own yard covered in shit, have at 'er, but seriously, people pick up your dog's shit on other people's yards, in the park, and on the sidewalk, ffs!
• if you are at the front of the long line at Tim Hortons and you "kindly" offer to let your friend(s) jump in line with you. No! Don't do it! The rest of us have been waiting for our turn! Tell your friend(s) to get to the back of the line! In fact, YOU get to the back of the line and wait with them!
• if you steal, especially from family and/or friends, whether it's money, items, or ideas
• if you take the credit for something someone else has done
• if you park in the handicapped parking spots without a handicapped parking permit
• if you park right in front of the store, blocking the laneway, instead of parking in the empty parking spot, not 20 feet away
• if, when you use a public washroom, you rip the toilet paper and/or paper towel and a little piece/corner drops on the floor, you leave it there. Really? Would you do that at home? Pick it the hell up and toss it in the garbage, you're going to wash your hands anyway!
• if you don't wash your hands after using the toilet
• if you pick your nose and wipe the boogers on the wall in the public bathroom stall. What's wrong with you?!?!? There's toilet paper RIGHT THERE!! Use it as a kleenex ffs!
• if you still have the same mullet you did back in 1982. Honestly? Get with the times! It's halfway through 2010 ffs! Get a haircut!
• if you are not a rap star, and yet you still call women "shorties"
• if you are older than 17 and you wear "your pants on the ground"
• if you use your pet as an accessory a la Paris Hilton.
• if you dress your pet up in clothes. It's a DOG, not a dolly! Poor things always look so ashamed of themselves when you see them in their pink tutus!
• if you dye your dog's fur! What the HELL for?!?!?! If your dog was supposed to have pink fur, it would have been born with it!
• if you have 11 items or more in the 10-items-or-less line at the grocery store. Can you not read the sign? Oh, and if you are the cashier that ALLOWS said person to still cash out at your till, then YOU too are a twat! Speak up! No need to be rude, but you can certainly tell the customer politely that you are working the express lane for 10 items or less and since you have more than 10, the cashier in lane # whatever would be happy to look after them.
• if you press one nostril and blow the snot out of the other one onto the sidewalk or road. GROSS!!! Use a freaking tissue!
• if you treat people poorly because they are not wearing the "right brand" of clothing. Who died and made you the arbiter of good taste?!?!
• if you chew your food with your lips open, smacking your lips and making noises. Have some manners! No one wants to see partially chewed food in your mouth, and no one wants to HEAR you eating!
• if you let your kids run around inside a restaurant. It may be easier on YOU, but it's hell for the rest of the patrons! Stop being a lazy parent and use this as an opportunity to teach your kids how to behave in certain situations!
• if you are too cheap to pay for a sitter and drag your young child out to a restaurant or bar at 10pm! If you can't afford the sitter, STAY HOME and get take out! That child should be in BED ffs!!!

And finally (for now, as I KNOW there are TONS more signs that you know you're a twat if)...

You know you're a twat when you spend your time writing a blog about twats :)

Feel free to add your own examples of twats in my comments section :)

Here's to a twat-free weekend!

You

Everything.

Every smile

Every tear

Every drop of sweat

Every muscle that aches

Every dollar earned

Every meal made

Every hug

Every thought

Every waking moment

Every dreamy night

Every single breath.

You

Beside me for all this and more

You

Are all that I am

And all that I need

You

Are EVERYTHING

 

xoxo

Envy

I am envious of people who have found their passion(s). But I am so happy for them too. When I see them basking in the joy that their passion(s) brings to them, I share that joy. To all of my friends who share their passions with me, thanks. :) I only wish you more. <3 xoxo

I Love This Place

 

Today was a great day!

I'm sitting here, feeling GRAND.

Today was a regular day.

With my regular Thursday routine; work, lunch with hubby, work, dinner with family, evening errands with the kids.

A regular day.

BUT... The sun was shining, everything went smoothly all day, and nothing bad happened.

I am IN The ZONE.

I love this place.

:)

xoxo

J

This happened on Earth Day? REALLY?!?

OK, so today was Earth Day. Which makes this story even more ludicrous.

Tonight, I was shopping at the mall with my daughter. I wanted a pair of jeans and I was 2nd in line at the cash in a major department store. I'm listening to the transaction going on in front of me, I am, kind of, but not completely, but I did hear the cashier ask the woman if she would like a bag. And that it was 5 cents for the bag.

Now, I was in this same store two weeks ago, buying something else and I was given a bag and was not charged 5 cents. So I hear her mention the price of the bag, and I think, oh, must be a new store policy. No big deal, grocery stores do it, right? But then! THEN, I hear the cashier ask the woman if she'd like to keep the hangers on the bras she was purchasing, and the woman says yes. And then I watch the cashier, put the two bras on PLASTIC hangers at NO CHARGE into the plastic bag that she had to pay five cents for!

OK, here's the thing;

1. plastic hangers cannot go in the blue box, therefore, are currently not recyclable...NO CHARGE

2. plastic bag, that you can drop into a huge blue box at any grocery store to be recycled... FIVE CENTS PER BAG CHARGE

Does that smell funny to you?

How about this thought? When I go buy a case of 24 beers in glass bottles, I pay close to $40.00. Part of that price includes a 10 cent deposit on each bottle. When those same beers are finished, I can take the bottles back to the beer store and get my $2.40 deposit money back.

So, if I have to pay 5 cents a bag, and I can return these same bags to the grocery store for recycling, why don't I get my 5 cents back?

Something to think about, anyway.

Now go enjoy your weekend, have some fun, maybe even empty a few of those beer bottles with some friends, whatever your plans, ENJOY!

And I'll be back here soon.

xoxo

Girls’ Weekend

This coming weekend I am away with my two daughters. Mary is 14 and Helen is 10. We are off to another one of their cheerleading competitions.

 

I love watching my girls compete in their cheerleading. They are on “All-Star” Teams, Helen on Youth, and Mary on Senior. Both of my girls are “flyers” which means they are the ones being thrown in the air, and lifted way up high.

 

They are far braver than me. I’m terrified of heights. Watching them perform their routine with their respective teams makes me so proud. To the point of tears. I love watching their tumbling, their dance, their jumps, and their stunts.

I also love what we do together AFTER they compete…the dinner out, the girl talk, the mother-daughter bonding. I think these weekends away have helped my girls develop their own close sister-bond too. This, I’m especially thrilled about. Because one day, they will be grown-ups, and I SO want them to have an amazing sisterhood with each other, the way I do with my own sister.

So, while I am away, enjoying my girls, I hope YOU are enjoying your families.

Cheers!

I’ll be back here soon.

xoxo