You Know You're a Twat....

OK, so today I will rant...you will either share my opinion or you won't. If you share my opinion, enjoy my rant, if you don't, I'm sorry, go read someone else's blog then. :)

(My apologies to Jeff Foxworthy)

You Know You're A Twat....

• if you change lanes or turn corners in your car, and you don't use your turn signals! Your car was built with them for a reason, people, USE THEM!
• if you eat produce in the grocery store while shopping, never to pay for it at the check-out. And when my kids ask why they can't have a couple of grapes while we shop, I tell them because it's STEALING!
• if you leave your cell phone turned on in the movie theatres! Have some freaking courtesy would you?!?! I didn't pay $14 to go to a movie and end up listening to your fucking phone ringing or worse, your fucking phone conversation!!!
• if you talk through the whole movie in the theatres! Shut the hell up! If you want to talk through movies, RENT THEM , and watch them at HOME ffs!
• if you toss your food garbage out of the car window while driving! Seriously? My taxes are paying for the crew who has to clean that up!!!
• if you think that degree you earned in University makes you better than anyone without one. I know plenty of wonderful people who are kind, honest, trustworthy, funny, smart, and talented, who didn't even graduate high school...I'd rather hang out with 1 of them, than 10 of YOU.
• if you cheat on your significant other
• if you "help" a friend cheat on their significant other by giving then an alibi, or by lying about what you know
• if you cheat on tests or exams...or golf
• if you hit your children..enough said
• if you bring your cell phone to the dinner table, because you just might miss some "important" text or tweet instead of enjoying the company right there in front of you
• if you spit on the sidewalk
• if you cut me off on the road and then look at ME like I was in the wrong!
• if you go bicycle riding with your kids, but you don't wear your own helmet! Set an example for those kids! WEAR YOUR HELMET!
• if your pay cheque goes to beer and smokes, while your kids haven't had a decent piece of fruit in months
• if you drown yourself in perfume or cologne. Everything in moderation people, no need to swim in the stuff!
• if you sit on the bus and let the senior citizen, or the pregnant woman stand for the entire trip without offering your seat
• if you blame others for your own mistakes
• if you consistently "forget" your wallet and/or cigarettes at home when you go out with friends
• if you "brag" about your sexcapades to anyone who will listen
• if you let your dog bark all night long in your backyard
• if you never "stoop and scoop" while walking your dog in public places. If you want to leave your own yard covered in shit, have at 'er, but seriously, people pick up your dog's shit on other people's yards, in the park, and on the sidewalk, ffs!
• if you are at the front of the long line at Tim Hortons and you "kindly" offer to let your friend(s) jump in line with you. No! Don't do it! The rest of us have been waiting for our turn! Tell your friend(s) to get to the back of the line! In fact, YOU get to the back of the line and wait with them!
• if you steal, especially from family and/or friends, whether it's money, items, or ideas
• if you take the credit for something someone else has done
• if you park in the handicapped parking spots without a handicapped parking permit
• if you park right in front of the store, blocking the laneway, instead of parking in the empty parking spot, not 20 feet away
• if, when you use a public washroom, you rip the toilet paper and/or paper towel and a little piece/corner drops on the floor, you leave it there. Really? Would you do that at home? Pick it the hell up and toss it in the garbage, you're going to wash your hands anyway!
• if you don't wash your hands after using the toilet
• if you pick your nose and wipe the boogers on the wall in the public bathroom stall. What's wrong with you?!?!? There's toilet paper RIGHT THERE!! Use it as a kleenex ffs!
• if you still have the same mullet you did back in 1982. Honestly? Get with the times! It's halfway through 2010 ffs! Get a haircut!
• if you are not a rap star, and yet you still call women "shorties"
• if you are older than 17 and you wear "your pants on the ground"
• if you use your pet as an accessory a la Paris Hilton.
• if you dress your pet up in clothes. It's a DOG, not a dolly! Poor things always look so ashamed of themselves when you see them in their pink tutus!
• if you dye your dog's fur! What the HELL for?!?!?! If your dog was supposed to have pink fur, it would have been born with it!
• if you have 11 items or more in the 10-items-or-less line at the grocery store. Can you not read the sign? Oh, and if you are the cashier that ALLOWS said person to still cash out at your till, then YOU too are a twat! Speak up! No need to be rude, but you can certainly tell the customer politely that you are working the express lane for 10 items or less and since you have more than 10, the cashier in lane # whatever would be happy to look after them.
• if you press one nostril and blow the snot out of the other one onto the sidewalk or road. GROSS!!! Use a freaking tissue!
• if you treat people poorly because they are not wearing the "right brand" of clothing. Who died and made you the arbiter of good taste?!?!
• if you chew your food with your lips open, smacking your lips and making noises. Have some manners! No one wants to see partially chewed food in your mouth, and no one wants to HEAR you eating!
• if you let your kids run around inside a restaurant. It may be easier on YOU, but it's hell for the rest of the patrons! Stop being a lazy parent and use this as an opportunity to teach your kids how to behave in certain situations!
• if you are too cheap to pay for a sitter and drag your young child out to a restaurant or bar at 10pm! If you can't afford the sitter, STAY HOME and get take out! That child should be in BED ffs!!!

And finally (for now, as I KNOW there are TONS more signs that you know you're a twat if)...

You know you're a twat when you spend your time writing a blog about twats :)

Feel free to add your own examples of twats in my comments section :)

Here's to a twat-free weekend!